When we have successfully completed high school, we think we know it all. After a period of about twenty years of eagerly acquiring knowledge and not minding that there are things you don’t know, modesty suddenly disappears and is replaced by an attitude of ‘I now know it all ‘. How life works, what we can expect from it, which goals we have in mind, and so on. However, it soon turns out that we have no idea what there is to know, but admitting that is still a step too far. The Greek philosopher Socrates (469-399 BC), the founder of Western philosophy, tells us that the more you know, the more you realise that you actually knownothing. Such a liberation to admit that there is a lot you don’t know. Before I go any further, let me explain how I unexpectedly ended up on this topic.
I found a dragonfly wing and instead of throwing it away, I looked at it attentively and discovered a fine-meshed network of hundreds of veins and membranes, which of course all have a function. I had no clue and that’s how my brain started working.
What do we actually know about, for example, the cell functions in our body, how our brains work, about the plant and animal world, how beautifully everything is put together, or… who we are? Almost nothing, except for the scientists who specialise in a specific subject, but they are also limited to their own field. Is it bad, I wondered, that we know so little. No, not at all, you can’t know everything. After all, it is enough if you know how to function in the world, although all too often we do not understand why certain things happen. I thought of Noam Chomsky (1929), the American linguist and activist, who once said: Most of humanity does not know what is happening. It doesn’t even know that itdoesn’t know this. Yes, here we have a problem, because we are not aware of what is going on. Arrogant, not open to people who think differently, we live our lives totally blind and unaware. Not even aware of who we really are; knowing that is the core of all wisdom. Know thyself, it says in the Bible and many other scriptures. The rest will follow automatically, if we also acknowledge our shadow side, as Carl Jung (1875-1961) wisely tells us. Loving yourself despite all your shortcomings. For example, he also stipulates that people who irritate us hold up a mirror to us of what we do not want to see in ourselves. When we realise this, we gain self-insight and can convert the irritation into a feeling of gratitude towards the person who showed it to us. Are you about to criticise someone? First look at yourself, be aware of where that criticism comes from, adjust your judgment (if you should judge at all) and talk about it. By doing so you help others and also yourself. Know what you are doing, why you are doing it, live consciously, because that is what we are: consciousness. When our body has died we know what it is all about, there are no more earthly distractions, only pure consciousness, which is immortal.
The American social psychologist Leon Festinger introduced the concept of cognitive dissonance in 1957 with the publication of his book, A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance.
Foto Wikipedia
Cognitive stands for what has to do with the mind (thinking); dissonance means a contradiction. Dissonance can also be dissonance in, for example, ‘modern’ classical music, such as Dutch composer Louis Andriessen’s (1939-2021). It’s not pleasant or easy on the ear, but that’s not what this post is about.
We all have our beliefs, feelings, certain behaviours and attitudes. Cognitive dissonance occurs when your behaviour is not in balance with what you think or feel; your action is inconsistent. It causes an unpleasant, nagging feeling you want to get rid of as soon as possible.
You’re at a party and still have that extra glass of wine, knowing you shouldn’t because you have to drive home. You do it anyway, but it doesn’t feel right. Fortunately, you come home in one piece. You rationalise and condone your behaviour to eliminate the unpleasant feeling that gnaws at you. I can handle booze well, nothing happened, you tell yourself, and I didn’t endanger anyone or myself. The hangover the next morning tells a different story. If that little voice in your head persists, you will eventually adjust your behaviour to create consistency between your mind and your behaviour: you’ll order a taxi next time.
There are countless other examples, such as when you bought a piece of clothing you absolutely do not need because your closet is full, and it is on the expensive side on top of that. When you get home, you look at your purchase. What was I thinking when I bought this, you ask yourself. It’s actually not as stunning as you thought when you saw it hanging in the shop, and you realise it was a rather nonsensical decision to buy it. You cram it far away in the closet and try to forget your weakness, but the annoying feeling keeps popping up regularly. Well, you say, not a man overboard. It’s not that bad. And, of course, it isn’t, but it’s a good lesson, and when you’re in that same shop again and see something appealing, you think again, you don’t buy it, and you feel proud that you resisted the temptation. Your behaviour has become consistent with what you know is the clever thing to do.
Why did you allow that man to seduce you when your gut told you he was just out for a fling, and you knew he was married? Your mind had switched off, tucked far away in your closet with that unnecessary purchase. You keep seeing him. Even though you don’t feel good about it, you start making excuses like he’s unhappy in his marriage, and you help him feel better. That you are his outlet. That it just happened. And so on and so forth. Until you discover that your behaviour is harmful to yourself and to him. You break up with him. You are relieved; you have created consistency.
The same Festinger published a book on social comparison in 1954: A Theory of Social Comparison Processes. He states that we humans have an innate urge to compare ourselves with others in order to evaluate our own opinions, behaviour, talents and feelings. That can be a so-called upward comparison: we compare ourselves to someone better than us, who we use as a model, whom we can then, in a positive sense, lean on for support. In a negative connotation, this can result in a dent in our self-image. Or a downward comparison: I may be weak, but he or she is even worse than me, making you feel better about yourself.
If we apply this theory to the aforementioned cognitive dissonance theory, it turns out that both theories play an important role in our behaviour. Everyone with whom we exchange thoughts about that bad feeling about what we did or didn’t do tells us that they recognise that. That is a pleasant feeling and shows us how essential it is to be open about your weaknesses, talk about overcoming them, and realise that you are not the only one. Never. It doesn’t mean you should always make your decisions with your mind alone. Trusting your intuition or gut feeling can lead to correct decisions that you would never have made or dared to take if you had only listened to your mind or the opinion of someone from your social environment. It comes down to the right balance within yourself and not always blindly following someone else’s opinions.
Of course, it’s not polite to mention your own name first, but I have a good reason for that. Now that Louise lives in Wilderness, I often tell the story of how we met and what happened afterwards, and it is not uncommon for people to refer to the top movie Thelma & Louise from 1991. Geena Davis (Thelma) and Susan Sarandon (Louise) go on a trip through America, initially out of boredom. We don’t go as far as they did (after killing someone, they have to stay out of the hands of the police), but we have many adventures as well. The film received six Academy Awards nominations (10 awards in total, including for both actresses) and was a huge box-office success ($45 million). The film ends dramatically as the ladies, out of desperation and to avoid being caught, drive to their deaths off a cliff straight into the Grand Canyon.
Here is a bird’s eye view of the remarkable story of how it all came about.
Our South African adventure begins in 1996 when we both decide to emigrate to South Africa after meeting in Johannesburg, where we are because of our Herbalife distributorship. There is a click right away, and we immediately start making plans. House hunting first. The second house we see (we’ll see at least 15) is the one we choose in the end. In Rivonia, on Bevan Road. Maybe start a guest house? The ground around the house is big enough for that, and the decision has been made. As it is the end of the year and all businesses are closed, we head for Cape Town via Durban in my Honda. Louise keeps accelerating, and when the speedo meter shows 180 km per hour, we say for the first time that we look like Thelma and Louise. On the way back, we stay at Fancourt in George, not realising that we would both live close by many years later.
We’ve never let people tell us it’s not safe to be on the road as two women, and we are right because we’ve always travelled safely and seen a lot. We find a builder who will build rooms in the garden; he does the job but leaves me with an unpaid loan and later goes bankrupt.
During construction, we take the Pajero that we jointly purchased to Bulawayo in Zimbabwe, where I try to sell an underground irrigation system to a farmer, which does not work out. We notice that a lot of art is offered on the side of the road, very cheap, so we load some into the car. Later we go back to Zimbabwe to buy more art, with the Honda this time. The car breaks down and is repaired, but we return home empty-handed and straight away.
it’s freezing in our hotel room, but a few gin and tonics help
The third time (we don’t give up), we succeed.
We have a lot of challenging but also positive experiences at Bevan House, as we call our guesthouse. A thieving gardener, his successor who drives my car to total loss, a domestic who dies of AIDS, our loyal helper Lettie who loses her daughter to AIDS, the renovation of my house by Louise, who started as an interior decorator and now lives with her Franck, the construction of a spa, the masseuse who finances her abortion from the cash flow and also confesses to doing some shopping from the till, etc. etc. For a detailed account of our stay at Bevan House, I refer to the blogs In Johannesburg (1 to 9), published in 2015.
Everything indicates that I am not suitable for a guesthouse, so I stop, put the house up for sale, go more often to my holiday home in Marloth Park near Kruger Park and keep in touch with Louise, who occasionally comes to visit with Franck. Marjan, a loyal guest from the start of my emigration, is also often present. The house is finally sold, and I move to Marloth, where friends build me a home and where I live for five years. Among the wild animals, and Kruger Park just around the corner. What more do I want? A boyfriend would be nice, I regularly say.
In 2005 I meet Rolf via the internet, and in 2006 he comes to live in Marloth from the Netherlands. However, it is not for him; too hot, no paragliding possibilities and the animals are not as appealing to him as they are to me. We look for a place on the coast and end up in Wilderness, where he can enjoy paragliding right from the start. It takes me a bit longer to settle down. Louise has now started working together with Franck in his import/export company. For a detailed report, see the blogs In Marloth Park (1 to 9), published in 2015.
In 2010 the phone rings; a crying Louise on the line tells me that Franck was shot dead during a carjacking right in front of their office. I immediately board a plane to Johannesburg the next day to support Louise. It’s a terrible time for her. Apart from the grief for her lover, she is confronted with an extremely hostile attitude from Franck’s family, who want to take everything they have built together away from her. It is indescribable what people are capable of when money comes into play; many turn into absolute monsters. I am with Louise as much as possible to help her. Our bond becomes even stronger. Louise finds a job at a fruit exporting company in Cape Town, where she is responsible for Africa.
With Rolf, I make many trips that are always dominated by paragliding. I also enjoy myself because the golf bag comes along, and I hit a ball while he floats through the air.
In 2014 we are in Bali for the third time. ‘I’m going to fly for a while,’ says Rolf. After the crash, his last words are in the hospital: we will meet again. See for details the blog with this title, dated November 2014.
Many dear friends surround me, and, with great support from Marjan, I move to The Waves on the other side of the N2, the highway that runs through Wilderness. After a while, I get into a big fight with Rolf’s daughter, to my utter amazement, who is suddenly of the opinion that she is entitled to half of the proceeds from the sale of our house. It doesn’t become nearly as bad as what happened to Louise, but the principle is the same. People smell money and instantly turn into unrecognisable creatures.
Apart from the many trips with Marjan and later with Anneke, which I have described in countless blogs, I regularly go out with Louise for a weekend away. My favourite picture of us is this one.
Louise is increasingly dissatisfied with her job. ‘Why don’t you come to Wilderness?’ I sometimes say. ‘What am I supposed to do in such a small village?’ is her invariable answer. Well…I don’t know, but I start searching the internet and find a flower business in George for sale. After a few negotiations, that doesn’t go through, but the tone is set. I find an interior decorating company with a shop in Wilderness for sale. Louise’s old profession, which suits her like a glove. The deal is done, and Louise finds a house across the N2, within walking distance from me. Of course, a lot needs to be changed, but you can leave that to Louise.
After all these years, we are together again. We came full circle.
Everything is energy, and everything consists of energy waves. Our body, thoughts, trees, animals, plants, water, light, everything in nature, the radio, and other things that we call ‘dead’ radiate energy. Everything vibrates at a specific frequency. As an example, I mentioned in ‘The reward’ how elephants communicate at such a low frequency that we humans cannot hear or feel it. There is another elephant example. Writer Lawrence Anthony, also known as the ‘elephant whisperer’, had a special connection with the elephants in his game reserve Thula Thula near Richards Bay. He wrote a few interesting books about it. Returning from a trip, he died suddenly at the airport of Johannesburg (distance 600 km). The entire herd came to his lodge within a few days to pay their respects. They had received the energy that his life had come to an end.
Everything is energy means that everything vibrates with each other, is connected, and reacts to each other, where distance plays no role at all. If you meet someone you don’t like in the first second, we say that person isn’t on the same wavelength as you. You feel it, but you may not immediately realise that that is literally the case. We all know the phenomenon that you think of someone (energy wave) who you have not seen for a while, and that person is suddenly on the phone. That’s a coincidence, you think. Not surprising at all when you realise that energy waves are constantly at work making connections. Energy is infinite; it never runs out.
I was talking to a friend a while ago about a mutual friend I hadn’t seen in three years. A little later, I see her at the supermarket. That could have happened any day, so to speak, because she also lives in the little village of Wilderness. Our energy waves created synchronicity and, no, not a coincidence, as scientists would like us to believe. As they discover more and more about quantum physics, they are beginning to discover and acknowledge what philosophers and sages have been saying since ancient times.
Another example: you think (energy wave) during a game of golf how nice it is that you haven’t ended up in a bunker yet. So your energy goes to the nearest bunker, and yes, your next shot goes straight in; you meet the bunker, in other words. Golf isn’t called a mind game for no reason; your thoughts (energy waves) are constantly busy with how you should stand, that you should keep looking at the ball etc. etc., with the result that you are distracted from your stroke with your busy head (energy waves), and the result doesn’t come near to what you had in mind. Just hit the ball, says the caddy. Exactly.
Knowing this also makes the possibility of reading someone else’s thoughts (energy waves) or feelings (energy waves) less surprising. You tune in (always with the person’s permission), and the energy starts flowing mutually. We are all one consciousness, all one, each with our individual experiences.
This post is the result of an experience I had yesterday. I walked from the golf course clubhouse across the parking lot to my car to pay the caddy, and my eye fell on a parking spot for disabled people that I had never noticed before. I thought (energy wave), why is there such a parking space at a golf course and saw an absurd picture in my head of someone hitting a ball from a wheelchair. On my way back to the clubhouse, I saw a car parked on the spot; to my amazement, someone was lifting somebody from the car onto a wheelchair. My energy apparently connected with the person in the car heading to that specific parking spot. Fascinating but understandable.
(I couldn’t help looking on the internet to see if there is such a thing as playing golf from a wheelchair. It does exist, and a Dutch guy named Jurgen Boon proves it by being number one in the world in para golf. He drives his electric wheelchair to the ball, puts the chair upright and hits the ball. A statement from him is that a quiet mind helps. So true. (I’m sure I can’t beat him).
If we are aware of how energy plays an all-determining role in what happens and that energy connects everything, we will discover that our lives are full of synchronicities, which, however, have nothing to do with chance. Did I make myself clear, haha?
The amount of posts has been infrequent over the past year and a half, but I had a good reason for that.
My life was good, but I needed something substantial. Playing golf, hiking and often having lunch with friends is great, but something was missing. I talked to Louise about it, and she asked if I would like to study something. What a good plan, I was enthusiastic right away. I’ve always been interested in psychology, and read a lot about it, so a choice was quickly made. It became criminal psychology because the criminal personality is fascinating if you ask me.
I searched the internet and found an online study at The University of Essex, the website looked professional and was very user-friendly, so I signed up. The fact that they do indeed approach it professionally was evident from the fact that I had to explain my motivation why I would choose them and what I had in mind with the study. I also had to take a test to see if my English was good enough. That all went well, and I could start.
Well, the technology caused some problems because my apple computer wouldn’t cooperate with the university’s system. Microsoft was installed, and that solved the issues. The first piece of work I had to produce was about the pros and cons of studying online. Since it is science, everything you claim needs to be backed up by evidence provided to you by numerous articles in the university’s online library or by accessing their eBooks, but you also had to find them yourself. According to a strict system of the American Psychology Association (APA), these references must be listed in a so-called reference list at the bottom of your piece. It is a complex matter: periods and commas, abbreviations, whether or not something is in brackets, italics or not, etc. It cost me a lot of time and effort to get that right.
The study package is divided into modules, and during those modules (always with a different tutor), you have to write essays or reports, sometimes in response to what your fellow students have produced. The writing style should be formal, so not freewheeling as I do when writing a blog and no opinions of my own (pity). All are limited to a maximum number of words, ranging from 300, 500 to 2000. The fellow students, all in their twenties, it seemed, so I was the granny of the group, came from countries all over the world, such as Vietnam or Seychelles. There were regular Zoom meetings, during which you could ask questions, and the tutor explained the module in more detail.
The topics were successively: Fundamentals of Effective Learning in Psychology, Cognitive Psychology, Social Psychology, Crime and Society, Personality and Intelligence, and Offender Profiling. Whatever subject you look up on the internet, you’ll find numerous scientific articles; one scientist thinks this, the other that, has done research on a specific hypothesis and yet another on the same subject but from a slightly different angle. The scientists keep each other busy, you could say. From the start, you are therefore urged to think critically and to find counterarguments for all claims.
I have learned a lot in recent months, about the subjects, of course, but also about myself; often impatient if I couldn’t find something, rushed, which was completely unnecessary as I could keep up with the pace, unsure if I could produce 2000 words and sometimes a little stressed due to a deadline, but also quickly accustomed to the rhythm of alternating between studying and relaxing. Although I passed everything, I often felt that my grade could have been a bit better. Is it ever good enough? Why do I do that to myself? Passed is passed.
All in all a memorable and satisfying experience. The only negative I can mention is the arrogance of science when it comes to topics such as astrology, clairvoyance, mediumship, spirituality, intuition or the sixth sense. It is dismissed as nonsense as if there were no evidence, which is not true. I had to learn not to worry about that and to work by the book.
definitely not a paperless office
My last deadline was last Monday. On Saturday, I listened to the little voice in my head to submit my essay that day, so I did. A few hours after submitting my paper, my internet went down, and after a lot of hassle, it didn’t come back on until late Tuesday. Hordes of ants had feasted on the fibre, as it turned out. I think this is an obvious example of intuition, but scientists think very differently. They probably think it’s a coincidence, something I don’t believe in.
Authority comes in many forms. In general, we can say that authority is a body or person with authority. For example, we can think of politicians, the police, the municipality, a professor, your GP or any other person to whom we attribute expertise that we do not have ourselves. When we were young, our parents, educators, and teachers played that role, shaping our beliefs and values later in life —getting ready for the big world, society. Obedience was seen as essential because the authority has the upper hand; who knows what they are talking about. As we grow older, we often question what these people taught us as the truth, valuable, right and wrong, and so we form our views, which often differ from what our influencers told us as children. We like to associate our opinions with being a good and conscientious person who does not intentionally harm another.
On the contrary, we want to help and adhere to the rules as much as possible. Unless, of course, those rules go against your feelings in your opinion, you disobey and obstinate. That is personal, so not the same for everyone. One person is simply more docile than the other. In general, we can say that our conscience is the most important factor driving our behaviour. Some people have absolutely no conscience; those are the sociopaths in our midst, who make up no less than 4% of humanity. A shocking percentage, I would say. These people are not all criminals, serial killers or child molesters. Through extreme manipulation and the constant telling of blatant lies, they often manage to reach high positions. The following experiment shows that we can easily set our conscience aside when an authority prompts us to do so.
In 1961 and 1962, Professor Stanley Milgram conducted a psychological study with astounding results. Two men who do not know each other arrive at a laboratory under the guise that it is about memory and learning. Milgram tells the participants that the experiment is about the effects of punishment on learning. One of the two is the learner, the other the teacher. The learner is placed on a chair, and his arms are tied to the armrests. An electrode is then attached to his wrist. He is told to learn word pairs. For example, the colour blue belongs to the word bird. If he makes a mistake, he gets an electric shock.
The more mistakes, the stronger the shock. After the teacher sees that the learner is chained to his chair, the professor explains that he, the teacher, must inflict the shocks. He takes him to another room with a machine with buttons he can press to deliver the shocks, ranging from 15 volts to 450 volts to the learner. It should be clear that 450 volts through your body put your life in grave danger. Soon the learner has a hard time and screams that the shocks must stop, that he wants to be freed from his chair. However, in the same room as the teacher, the professor gently encourages him to continue. The teacher doesn’t know that the learner is the professor’s colleague and doesn’t get any shocks at all. He is only pretending in the context of the experiment. The experiment is performed 40 times, with people of different levels of education, all with the same result. You can already feel the mood. 34 out of 40 Participants continue to shock the learner, that’s 62.5%, even up to 450 volts. They sweat, complain and hold their heads in despair, but they carry on because the authoritative professor says they must. The only difference between the male and female participants was that the obedient females reported more stress than the males.
Then Milgram experimented with an ‘ordinary’ man giving the instructions, i.e. no authority, with the result that the percentage of those who obeyed fell from 62.5% to 20%.
The participants’ consciences were turned off by coûte que coûte obeying the authority, with the result that they didn’t care that they inflicted ‘the other’ enormous damage. The fact that the ‘ordinary’ man still scored 20% is perhaps since we want to do something well? Don’t want to disappoint the researcher? Those are my interpretations, by the way.
You can also extend the results of this experiment to the soldier. Their authoritative superior tells them that an enemy is an evil person, does not deserve the light in their eyes, in short, should be killed for the great good of the country for which they are fighting. With that mindset, the soldier leaves for the battlefield. Thoroughly indoctrinated and unable to think for themselves and with their conscience gone. When they come home, there is a damaged person, often with PTSD.
What about the conscience of the authority itself? Or your conscience? Is it sometimes gone for a while or on the back burner? Because you obey an authority which, in your opinion, knows better than you? Because your self-esteem is not optimal? Because you don’t take the effort to find the truth yourself but are lazy?
Do I need to go into the moral, or is this clear enough? I think so…
‘Has she gone mad?’, you may think when you read this headline. Read on and you will see that it is not too bad and that you may also be a tulip or a daffodil or a violet for example.
I can get quite upset about a lot of different things. To name a few:
The injustice in the world
The growing gap between the haves and the have-nots
That people don’t have anything to eat, something that is no longer limited to the children in Africa
Corruption of government leaders, something that is no longer limited to Africa or South America
Destruction out of helplessness or out of anger
The idea that war offers a solution and is justifiable
Lies that are told and which we easily take for granted. If you repeat a big lie often enough, it will automatically become the truth. This phenomenon is called the “illusory” truth in cognitive psychology. Adolf Hitler introduced the term The Big Lie, but the term is also attributed to Joseph Goebbels
The extreme control bordering on tyranny. By politicians, by your boss, by religions or by any authority
Child abuse and the ever-expanding pedophile network
Domestic violence
and…. the fact that I don’t do anything substantial about it. I am not founding an organisation or joining a group that stands for something, I am not on the barricades. I admire people who do, who fight injustice with all their hearts in whatever form it takes. I sometimes feel guilty about that.
It should be clear that my ego plays a role here. ‘Hadn’t you better, shouldn’t you, what are you doing anyhow’, the ego whispers in my ear.
‘That’s their life path and not yours,’ my wise friend Loraine said to me recently. If you are a tulip, you are not a rose. Both equally unique, equally beautiful, but different. Accept who and what you are, you are good enough. Don’t bend over backwards to be somebody you’re not. It is what it is. Everything happens as it should. Being agitated changes nothing and is bad for your health. Let it go. The world has always been in chaos. That makes absolute sense and of course deep down I know it, but it’s good to hear it again.
Humanity has a lot to learn, which is why we are here on Earth. We have to wake up from the dream, the illusion, become aware, know that we are spiritual beings, that we are one collective consciousness, with different aspects.
It always comes down to love, love for another and to start with, especially love for yourself. If we realise that, everything will be fine.
‘Only love is real’, as the American psychiatrist Brian Weiss so brilliantly tells us in his book. Something to remember over and over and to apply to your life, whoever you are.
The first aspect of our behaviour in this post has to do with turning a blind eye which I derive mainly from an interesting book I read last week entitled: Wilful Blindness. Written by researcher and businesswoman Margaret Heffernan. The book was first published in 2011 and has been updated and reprinted several times.
The book is about how we tend to look away if a certain situation doesn’t feel right to us, is uncomfortable, disturbs our peace of mind, can be financially threatening, gets in the way of our ego etc. We just don’t like change, we prefer the situation as it is. Numerous examples are described in the book, based on carefully conducted scientific research, with all references at the back of the book.
The question remains whether our behaviour is naturally what it is or whether it is formed by the circumstances (nature versus nurture). There is no simple answer to that. I think both play a role. One child experiences its upbringing differently from a sibling while the circumstances are the same, because it is, for example, more sensitive. Identical twins can show completely different behaviour later in life, while the opposite also occurs. This is an introduction on my part. Some examples from the book:
We are always amazed that women go back to the men who abuse them. Whether the abuse is verbal, physical or sexual, the man promises to better himself and the woman believes him. Women who make that choice have a low self-esteem (I don’t deserve better, perhaps an example of nature) or they saw their mother undergoing the same treatment (they don’t know any better, example of nurture). They tell themselves that it is their fault, that they themselves must be a better wife to their husband, or that they cannot handle life on their own (especially for financial reasons). These women are often the victims of psychopaths, who are so manipulative that even psychologists are deceived. Both groups are therefore blind to reality and look away.
Child abuse, whether sexual or otherwise, is much more common than we think. That incest only occurs in lower class families is a fairy tale, that mothers often look away, unfortunately not. Why is that? Out of fear of what they will get themselves into when they speak up. Head in the sand, then the problem does not exist. Especially because they want to keep the harmony (for themselves, not for the child). The consequences for the (behaviour of the) child are enormous.
Alice Stewart noticed in the 1950s that twice as many children born to women who had an x-ray during pregnancy developed cancer in a period of ten years. Before making this widely known, she did more research and kept coming to the same conclusion. She raised it with colleagues before publishing it in The Lancet in 1956. There was talk of the Nobel Prize for her. And then nothing at all happened. Why? It was indigestible for doctors that they had done something that turned out to be life-threatening to foetuses. X-rays were in vogue, because it was a relatively new technology and no one wanted to see the harm it could cause. People looked away. She was made fun of. It took many years for her findings to be recognised. (this is a very short summary of her story)
Albert Speer, after 1942 the second most powerful man in Germany, and Hitler got along very well. Speer was therefore completely blind to the monster that was Hitler. His life was spared at the Nuremberg trial because he freely admitted not seeing what Hitler had been doing. He later stated to his biographer that he had to spend the rest of his life coming to terms with what he had done because he had been blind.
You are in love and a good friend very carefully says something negative about your new love. You don’t hear it, you don’t see it, you are completely blind. You even push away that annoying little voice in the back of your head.
Other examples: MeToo; People who are initially critical of misconduct in their company, but then gradually go along with the flow, because everyone does it and you don’t want to be an outsider. The real whistleblowers, who don’t mind being ridiculed when they denounce wrongdoing at companies, institutions and governments, are being fired because they are contrarians and reveal things that the boss is looking away from, often because a lot of money is at stake. Madoff, Enron etc.
And so there are countless other examples in the book of which you think, how on earth is it possible? But look into the mirror. Is our own behaviour always flawless? Can we always resist the temptation to do something that we know is not actually right, but which we then know how to condone in an excellent way?
Look what happened when the sale of cigarettes was banned. The black market grew by the day. Everyone smoked as much as ever before or more, no one suddenly stopped smoking. If you intend to quit smoking, it isn’t going to happen because the sale is banned. I would almost say the opposite is true. I myself hadn’t smoked a cigarette for over a year, but I thought when the ban is lifted, I will light one or two or… Purely recalcitrant behaviour.
Forbidding something leads to excessive behaviour and has the opposite effect.
Alcohol insanely expensive in Sweden? Then we take the ferry back and forth and drink as much and as fast as we can, as soon as the boat is out of territorial waters. How so?
The ban on the sale of alcohol caused the same behaviour as with the cigarettes. You want more of it if you can’t have it freely and legally.
Forbidden fruits (illegal cigarettes and alcohol, drugs, an affair) simply taste much better. Why? Because of the excitement? The chance to get caught? Satisfaction of our ego? Look at me? Pure boredom? The need of something outside of ourself to get a fix?
Us humans are also resourceful. No alcohol for sale? Then we make it ourselves, right? With ginger and pineapple, for example. (this has increased the price of ginger by 300%, but this aside). Anything better than being without.
If there has ever been an interesting time to take a closer look at our behaviour, it is now. People who express different opinions are ridiculed, fired or slandered. Just like so many whistleblowers before them. Without giving the other person the opportunity to give his view on the matter and thus engage into a dialogue. We are quick to judge, but who are we to even have an opinion about someone else.
This week marks the sixth anniversary of Rolf’s passing. In my mind I am back at his hospital bed in Bali. I speak to him encouragingly, but there is no answer, never again, but I don’t know that yet. As if it happened last year, it is still so fresh in my memory.
Today it is almost a year ago that I visited the mother of our guide Abel in Uganda with Anneke. That is also fresh in my memory, but strangely enough it seems much longer ago.
This undoubtedly has to do with the impact an event has on your life (as my friend Marjan rightly pointed out this morning). Rolf’s death has drastically changed my life and that cannot be said of a holiday.
Time is a strange phenomenon that we experience very differently now that we are older than when we were young. We felt it took forever for your birthday to finally arrive. At school, time passed painfully slowly when we were bored in class. We could hardly see the hands of the clock moving forward if we were expecting a call from a boyfriend at a certain time. But now? Time flies and before you know it, another year has passed. That may be pleasant in the current circumstances, but normally it can be frightening. In any case, a good reason to get the most out of life, not to postpone anything and to consciously stay in the present.
What is time anyway? If you delve into this, you will soon discover that countless philosophers and scientists have shed their light on it. Einstein came up with the idea that time is an illusion. A thesis which is followed by many. If time does not exist, it means that there is no timeline with past and future with the present in the middle. Everything happens at the same moment and in the now. After all, the past only exists in our minds and we know nothing about the future. Only the now is real.
The soul, our awareness (the more common term nowadays) knows no time, because it is eternal and not subject to an end time. Is time an invention of mankind? Only applicable as long as we walk the earth? To ensure that everything runs smoothly and in an orderly manner? Could be. If you look into quantum physics, you will come across all kinds of complex theories about time and space. Try to imagine that there are an infinite number of universes outside our universe and then project our concept of time onto them. Then you may get a glimpse of the idea that time can only be an illusion. A projection of our mind, as everything is a projection of our own thoughts. Conclusion: nothing is real, only love, as Brian Weiss * describes it so beautifully in his book and then you automatically end up at God, of which we are all a part, we are all one, all children of God.
While contemplating these philosophies I arrive at the concept of synchronicity (introduced by Carl Jung). A few events take place at the same time. For example, you think of someone and at that moment the telephone rings and that person is on the line. Some call that coincidence, but as the reader knows, I don’t believe in that. It has everything to do with the energy that you radiate into the universe and then it all comes together. A good example of synchronicity is the following: The medium Suzanne Giesemann (about whom I wrote in ‘Dead, or not at all?’, published on March 16th) receives a message every day from the spirit group, ( named Sanaya) with whom she works. She then sends this message to her subscribers by email. For example, on the day of Rolf’s fatal accident, I received the following message in my inbox
SURROUNDED BY LOVE:
The death of a loved one is a trying time for those on earth, no matter how enlightened you are. You share memories with the one who passes. You share love and concern. Concern yourself at this time with those who do not have the full understanding of this very natural transition. Concern yourself as well with yourself. Share with others and remind yourself that death is a point of celebration for the one who will no longer have to bear the pain and darkness of life in the physical world. Know that they will be surrounded by love and loved ones who have preceded them. Life will be far easier now for them, and we do stress this word “life,” for life is indeed eternal. Concern yourself far more with remembering the good times and know that you will share these again. Feel your grief, but do not become swallowed up in it. Allow yourself a period of sadness for the close contact you will miss, then pull yourself back to that place of love within yourself. Do this as a choice — for yourself — with your own thoughts. It is not necessary to suffer. Your loved one no longer suffers and would want you to know this. They look upon you with new eyes and wish you to know all is well. They are safe and loved in the arms of angels, and so are you, my friend, so are you.
You are so very loved.
Many writers often say that a story writes itself. I support that to a certain extent. When I started this post I had no idea where I would end up.
*Brian Weiss is an American psychiatrist, hypnotherapist and author. He writes a.o. about reincarnation and does regressions for his clients. The book I’m referring to here is titled: Only love is real. A must read.
Adastique 